Ellesmere Port rejoices as ‘scratchies’ to become Olympic sport
Ellesmere Port was, this morning, rejoicing at the news scratch cards (or 'scratchies) would be an event at the next Olympics.
During many Olympic Games...
Man’s idea of cleaning the bathroom “different to wife’s”, research finds
An Ellesmere Port man has recently discovered his attempts to clean the bathroom are not up to the standard his wife was expecting.
James Tomkins,...
Man’s ‘Wank Bank’ emptied after seeing photo of mum in thong
An Ellesmere Port man, Dave Thomas from Little Sutton, has had his entire wank bank emptied in a shocking incident this week.
As Dave was...
Wetherspoon to ‘enhance dining experience’ by microwaving meals at diners’ tables
The UK's dreariest pub chain, JD Wetherspoon, has announced it intends to compete with the current trend of having meals prepared at your table.
Certain...
7 cost-effective ways to annoy your neighbours
In the UK we fucking hate our neighbours, the self-serving,
condescending pricks. One of the great pleasures we get in life is annoying...
Facebook Likes marginally better than prayers, confirms Pope
Pope Francis has today confirmed that Facebook 'likes' are marginally better than prayers when it comes to offering them in support of...
YOLO Tells Momo to F.O.
YOLO has returned from 2011 to tell Momo to Fuck Off, it has been confirmed.
YOLO, which means You...
Beluga XL not big enough for your Ma
The Beluga XL has arrived in Hawarden, after flying over Chester and Ellesmere Port, to pick up your Ma. Unfortunately, despite its...
Cleaner praises man who throws chewing gum into urinal
A seventy-two-year-old woman from Ellesmere Port, Viv Thomas, has heaped praise on an unknown man for constantly spitting his chewing gum into...
Margaret Thatcher statue to be displayed in Ellesmere Port
The statue of former Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, is to be displayed in Ellesmere Port, it has been revealed.
