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From festivals in Florida to touring Dracula’s digs in Romania, we round up the best destinations to visit this October. As summer abandons Europe again this October, eke out the last of the rays and raves in Ibiza, where nightclubs will be going out with a bang for the winter break. When the party finally stops head to the island’s north.

Ellesmere Port votes ‘NO’ on incest ban

A proposed ban on inbreeding in Ellesmere Port, the last UK town where the practice is permitted, has been heavily defeated in this weekend’s...

40-year-old toy collector definitely NOT a sociopath

A man in his early forties has revealed he is absolutely not a sociopath, despite his preference for small plastic robots over people. The man,...

Grapes reclassified as ‘wine foetuses’ by alcohol rights campaigners

A bold campaign by alcohol rights groups is expected to be successful in labelling grapes as wine foetuses, giving grapes the same rights as...

Shitting in a cupboard voted best thing about caravan holidays

In a recent survey of caravaners from The Caravan Club, taking a shit in a cupboard came top of the most enjoyed things about...

2,500 people inadvertently sign petition BACKING Gypsy and Traveller site in Ellesmere Port

A double-negative has meant that over 2,500 people have signed an online petition BACKING the creation of a proposed transit site in Ellesmere Port...

Fat kids turn to cannibalism as McDonalds closes for three months

As the shocking news emerged today that Cheshire Oaks McDonalds is closing for three months, Ellesmere Port’s fat kids have already started eating each...

Queen wins Chester’s inaugural gurning competition

Her Majesty the Queen arrived in Chester this afternoon to enter the town’s inaugural gurning competition, where people attempt to make the most unpleasant...

Couple insists hot tub isn’t a sex stew

A CHESTER couple has recently claimed their new hot tub isn’t a sex stew, contrary to the opinions of their friends and public perception. The...

Dolphin gets tattoo of human on its arse

Blue Planet Aquarium, in Ellesmere Port, announced this morning that one of its dolphins had acquired a tattoo. The dolphin, named Jackson, has a...

Ellesmere Port Gym FORCED to have gender-neutral changing rooms

Gender campaigners have won a battle to force an Ellesmere Port gym to ditch its outdated ‘male’ and ‘female’ changing rooms in favour of...

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