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From festivals in Florida to touring Dracula’s digs in Romania, we round up the best destinations to visit this October. As summer abandons Europe again this October, eke out the last of the rays and raves in Ibiza, where nightclubs will be going out with a bang for the winter break. When the party finally stops head to the island’s north.

7 cost-effective ways to annoy your neighbours

In the UK we fucking hate our neighbours, the self-serving, condescending pricks. One of the great pleasures we get in life is annoying...

Facebook Likes marginally better than prayers, confirms Pope

Pope Francis has today confirmed that Facebook 'likes' are marginally better than prayers when it comes to offering them in support of...

YOLO Tells Momo to F.O.

YOLO has returned from 2011 to tell Momo to Fuck Off, it has been confirmed. YOLO, which means You...

Beluga XL not big enough for your Ma

The Beluga XL has arrived in Hawarden, after flying over Chester and Ellesmere Port, to pick up your Ma. Unfortunately, despite its...

Cleaner praises man who throws chewing gum into urinal

A seventy-two-year-old woman from Ellesmere Port, Viv Thomas, has heaped praise on an unknown man for constantly spitting his chewing gum into...

Margaret Thatcher statue to be displayed in Ellesmere Port

The statue of former Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, is to be displayed in Ellesmere Port, it has been revealed.

Geordie buys long-sleeved T-Shirt for Chicago trip

A 19-year-old Geordie lad, named Jon, has purchased a long-sleeved Tee for his trip to Chicago after learning of the extra-cold weather...

4×4 drivers especially smug this morning

Some light snowfall in certain areas of the UK, including Ellesmere Port and Chester, has resulted in increased smugness levels from 4x4...

Boris Johnson to return to selling Sugar Puffs

Flop-haired serial shagger, Boris Johnson, is to return to his original career advertising Sugar Puffs on the television.

CONFIRMED: 97% of chefs wipe their cock on Piers Morgan’s food

A recent poll of the nation's chefs has confirmed that 97% admitted to wiping their cock on Piers Morgan's food before he...

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