New Brexit Secretary, Snake Plissken, pledges Escape from Europe
Theresa May has taken the unorthodox step of appointing fictional outlaw Snake Plissken as the new Brexit Secretary. Plissken has a reputation of not...
Boris Johnson to represent UK in Eurovision 2019
UK to show Europe what an idiot who just makes stupid noises is all about.
Following the winner of this year’s Eurovision, Netta from Israel,...
Fresh excavation of Pompeii discovers evidence of early Cliff Richard tour
Archaeologists have uncovered a poster promoting a tour by UK pop star, Cliff Richard, displayed on a wall in the ruins of Pompeii.
Pompeii was...
Sexually adventurous couple indicates how many fingers they like up the bum during sex
In a recent survey, a sexually adventurous couple told an interviewer how many fingers they like each other to put up their bum during...
Louie Spence announces the gays will hit Texas with another hurricane
Louie Spence has convened a meeting of the nation’s top gays to discuss the recent accusations from religious leaders. The gays have been blamed...
Rachel Riley Hospitalised Trying To Calculate Vue Cinemas’ Popcorn Profit Margin
Mathematics bombshell, Rachel Riley, has been admitted to hospital suffering from fatigue after she attempted to calculate the profit margin on popcorn enjoyed by...
Jim Davidson finds work as Saudi Arabia allows women drivers
Outdated cockney comedian Jim Davidson has become relevant in Saudi Arabia after they allowed women drivers for the first time.
The ‘comedian’, famed for his...
December best month for spotting shit neighbourhoods, says property guru
Property guru Phil Spencer, one half of ‘Kirsty and Phil’ from TV’s Location Location Location has claimed that December is the best month for...
Richard Branson files for bankruptcy after booking Manchester to London on own train
Bonkers billionaire Branson Bankrupt after booking a last-minute fair on one of his own trains this week.
Richard Branson made the schoolboy error of buying...
“I Told You I’d F*cking Get Rid Of Her!” – Kate Middleton yells at...
The Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, shocked onlookers today with a foul-mouthed outburst directed at Meghan Markle.
Middleton, who was in Chester to open new...