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From festivals in Florida to touring Dracula’s digs in Romania, we round up the best destinations to visit this October. As summer abandons Europe again this October, eke out the last of the rays and raves in Ibiza, where nightclubs will be going out with a bang for the winter break. When the party finally stops head to the island’s north.

Hugh Hefner: Heaven’s not as good as my house to be honest

Multi-millionaire Hugh Hefner reached heaven this week, and was disappointed to find it didn’t live up to his usual lifestyle. ‘Hef’, as he is known,...

Game of Thrones struggling to find UK locations where winter hasn’t already arrived

Producers on the hit HBO series, Game of Thrones, have been struggling to find locations within the UK for filming where winter is merely...

Boris Johnson to return to selling Sugar Puffs

Flop-haired serial shagger, Boris Johnson, is to return to his original career advertising Sugar Puffs on the television.

Cliff Richard changes his name to Iff

Sir Cliff Richard has announced that he is following the example set by Kanye West, and has changed his name to ‘Iff’. Kaye West recently...

Thomas the Tank Engine arrested in Operation Yewtree sting

Another children’s TV icon has fallen by the wayside as 80s favourite Thomas the Tank Engine has been implicated in a sex-abuse scandal following...

Queen wins Chester’s inaugural gurning competition

Her Majesty the Queen arrived in Chester this afternoon to enter the town’s inaugural gurning competition, where people attempt to make the most unpleasant...

Tommy Robinson Announces De-Colouring Book

Conformity champion and former EDL leader, Tommy Robinson, has appeared on morning television to announce his de-colouring book. The new book hopes to tap...

Jeremy Kyle clears calendar after visit to Ellesmere Port

Bug-eyed aggressive chav baiter, Jeremy Kyle, has cleared his calendar for the next 6 months after spending 20 minutes in the Port Arcades in...

Sooty confirmed as new James Bond

Popular children’s entertainer Sooty has been confirmed as taking over from Daniel Craig in the 007 franchise. Daniel Craig’s next film, due later this...

Arsenal’s Aaron Ramsey questioned by police over celebrity deaths

Arsenal and Wales footballer, Aaron Ramsey, is today being questioned by Metropolitan Police detectives over a spate of celebrity deaths. It is alleged that Mr...

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