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From festivals in Florida to touring Dracula’s digs in Romania, we round up the best destinations to visit this October. As summer abandons Europe again this October, eke out the last of the rays and raves in Ibiza, where nightclubs will be going out with a bang for the winter break. When the party finally stops head to the island’s north.

Ellesmere Port votes ‘NO’ on incest ban

A proposed ban on inbreeding in Ellesmere Port, the last UK town where the practice is permitted, has been heavily defeated in this weekend’s...

Corbyn laid wreath for Megatron at Autobot City

SHOCKING news emerged this morning as it was revealed Jeremy Corbyn laid a wreath for diabolical Decepticon leader Megatron at the scene of his...

Sooty confirmed as new James Bond

Popular children’s entertainer Sooty has been confirmed as taking over from Daniel Craig in the 007 franchise. Daniel Craig’s next film, due later this...

Grapes reclassified as ‘wine foetuses’ by alcohol rights campaigners

A bold campaign by alcohol rights groups is expected to be successful in labelling grapes as wine foetuses, giving grapes the same rights as...

2,500 people inadvertently sign petition BACKING Gypsy and Traveller site in Ellesmere Port

A double-negative has meant that over 2,500 people have signed an online petition BACKING the creation of a proposed transit site in Ellesmere Port...

Tories launch Twat replacement service

As the Tories lose yet another twat, Therese May has followed the nation’s woeful train operators in launching a ‘twat replacement service’. Train operators, such...

Queen wins Chester’s inaugural gurning competition

Her Majesty the Queen arrived in Chester this afternoon to enter the town’s inaugural gurning competition, where people attempt to make the most unpleasant...

Boris Johnson to represent UK in Eurovision 2019

UK to show Europe what an idiot who just makes stupid noises is all about. Following the winner of this year’s Eurovision, Netta from Israel,...

Room without a roof not particularly ‘happy’ Pharrell informed

Popular rapper Pharrell Williams has been informed that a room missing its roof isn’t particularly happy, correcting his earlier confusion. In an upbeat tune, Pharrell...

Not a single problem that couldn’t be solved with more guns – claims Trump

Orange buffoon, Donald Trump, declared there isn’t a single problem in the world that couldn’t be solved by adding more guns to the mix. Speaking...

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