UK to show Europe what an idiot who just makes stupid noises is all about.

Following the winner of this year’s Eurovision, Netta from Israel, singing a song that was just a collection of strange noises and chicken impressions, the UK has finally accepted the challenge thrown down by Europe.

In past competitions the UK has treated Eurovision like a song contest, being misled by the fact it is comedically called the ‘Eurovision Song Contest’. We have entered ‘singers’ who sing ‘songs’, believing Europe would vote for us based on our talent. However, the UK has finally conceded that Eurovision isn’t about songs at all – it’s about larger than life idiots who make huge bellends out of themselves.

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In that department, we’re well stocked.

Enter Boris Johnson, our Eurovision entry for 2019. Boris will take to the stage to sing his song “Mugwump” where he will be making an array of strange noises while someone plays the Vibraslap.

The song contains the lyrics:

Bar hoosh Mugwump

Flibberdy jib Wiff-Waff

The UK’s Eurovision panel believes Boris, and his song Mugwump, have what it takes to bring the nation glory in Israel.

The UK last achieved Eurovision success in 1997 through Katrina and the Waves. Since then we have been mostly ignored by Europe when it comes to the voting, largely due to us being utter bastards to them in all departments.

With the UK finally acknowledging Eurovision is about nonsensical rubbish and chicken impressions, it is believed Boris Johnson will bring us success, especially since he has carved out a career of getting people to vote for him despite him being largely unintelligible.

Mugwump will be released as a single in the run up to Eurovision 2019, and Boris will also be performing a Brexit-themed cover of former Eurovision winner Bucks Fizz’s ‘Making Your Mind Up’ as the B-Side.

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